The Haunting Of Me

I'm haunted. I see things, hear things, feel things, and I can't seem to get them to go away. The way the moon looked tonight I knew there were going to be something coming out tonight.

The way every star seemed to be almost the size of a beach ball, the pitch black canvass to the diamond night.

It's the mist on the road, the hole in the moon, the bent tree limbs illuminated by darkness. I knew I would be visited tonight.

Sometimes they come to me in my dreams, and I wake up to find them gone and I feel like there's no control anymore. There's nothing to protect me from the sounds, the movements, the smell....them.

I tell myself to let them go. I wish them well, a safe journey home, far far away from me, and then on nights like this they come back, and it feels like they never left.

I stopped out by the lake and wrapped up in my old coat and listened to the wind howl and bounce off of the water. My eyes teared up from the cold breeze, skin was defenceless to fight it off, the rain bounced off of my nose, it started to freeze the tips of my hair...

Its been a losing battle. This is a long road. I keep reminding myself to be persistent and good things will come, and I guess to have good days you need to have a few bad days along the way.

I don't believe too much in the Church, but I do believe in God, and I believe that he wants the best for all living things- I prey to him to make it all go away. The hard part to imagine is the fact that if I no longer want this haunting around it should freely go...and it doesn't. It keeps coming back with smell of fall, the sip of coffee, the long afternoon in bed - it's still there.

I read a story once of this fat woman who laid on the couch for so long that it actually became attached to her. Her skin actually grew attached to the couch. Maybe that's what will become of these things- maybe they're already one with me. A one package deal. Buy 1 get the next 5 free.

I don't want them anymore...but they don't give a shit.